Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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