would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
