i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
