so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
