Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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