I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
