Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sponge bath it is.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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