My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
