i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
