Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
