roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
