You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He passed out mid-signature
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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