she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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