Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
