So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
