I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
