She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
