why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
