her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
