I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
