I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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