Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
