He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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