he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
