ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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