forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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