Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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