sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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