The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
