The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
