...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
