That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
