watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
