The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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