I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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