dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm always down for nudity.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize