guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
