Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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