the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
