i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
