I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
