My liver just broke up with me...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize