I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
