She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
