So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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