Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Drunk is not a location!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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