I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
