I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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