i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
