don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
