god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
