Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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