vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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