I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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