the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
