It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
