You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
