You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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