i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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