She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
