Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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