I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
