In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
