1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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