Pappa wants mamma naked
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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