I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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