Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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