Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
