I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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