I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize