I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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