If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
