i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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