I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I party with great urgency now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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