when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my shit smells like andre
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
